A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell

Year: 1990
Director: Brett Piper
Writer: Brett Piper
Genre: Fantasy

If there's ever a movie people would gravitate toward due to the title this is it. A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell sets itself up to be quite a ride with a name like that. Unfortunately, beyond the first few minutes, almost nothing to do with "nympoids" or dinosaurs occurs.

The movie is hugely low budget and with a pretty dull story. Honestly, I can't even remember what really happened aside from the girl barbarian meeting the boy barbarian and then for some reason they try to destroy this evil guy. Yep, that's about as deep as it goes.

Troma certainly isn't a big budget studio but it seems like even LESS money was somehow spent on producing this. While many Troma films feature the famous car chase/flip/explosion scene, this film takes scenes from a handful of the Troma library for no good reason. Thankfully that's only the case for the introduction but I was worried the entire movie might be that way. If I'd let my fear get the best of me then I probably would have just stopped watching before 10 minutes were done.

As it stands this movie is pretty dull. The name is great but everything else is supremely lackluster. Skip it.

Graduation Day

Year: 1981
Director: Herb Freed
Writer: Anne Marisse, Herb Freed
Genre: Slasher

The 80s were the decade of the slasher film. I've seen a great deal of them but there's always more out there to dig up. Since Graduation Day was up on streaming I decided to give it a look. While it doesn't realy stand out among the crowded genre, it's still an alright film. That's better than being a total and complete disaster, at least.

I've heard people complain about the acting a lot but it wasn't a big deal to me. Overall the characters seem to be relatively regular high schoolers (except that they look to be college aged a lot of the time). The story starts out where a young track star mysteriously dies after winning a race. It wasn't foul play as far as anyone can tell anyway, just a high school athlete being pushed too hard. I think that's a pretty pertinent tale even today where many students are pushing themselves much further than they can handle.

Anyway, quickly the film sets us up with suspects. If there's one thing that this movie deserves a compliment for it's how it manages to give us a list of suspects who all could be the killer. A smart horror fan could probably deduce the true murderer before too long, but even I was happy to let the movie guide my perception of who the killer was all the way through. The reveal makes sense too although it isn't the most exciting one.

The movie was okay. I wasn't crazy about it but it at least held my interest for the near hour and fourty minutes it drew on. If there was one thing I'd change it would be to cut down on some of the movie. Graduation Day is an acceptable film but not something to watch if you want to get your blood pumping.

Class of Nuke 'Em High

Year: 1986
Director: Richard W. Haines
Writer: Richard W. Haines, Mark Rudnitsky
Genre: Sci-Fi, Comedy

Is it sacrilegious of me to not like this movie? I feel like it's supposed to be a classic Troma centerpiece, but I just couldn't get into it very much at all. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that I was tired. Or maybe it's just due to the fact that it's not very good.

Class of Nuke 'Em High starts us off in a small town which is right by a nuclear facility. Of course, something goes wrong there but they mostly don't seem to care about it. Water tainted with nuclear goo seeps into the local school and from there things get a little disgusting.

For a Troma film it's not all that gross. You've got weirdo teens screwing around with other oddballs but nobody is really that interesting or entertaining. The characters are all such caricatures but not in a way that I found appealing. There was a lot going on but I never cared for anyone so obviously didn't care when they came up on screen. But, when you don't like anyone in a movie then that means every seen is dull.

I still intend to watch the rest of the films in this series but I hope they pick up. This one seems a little close to The Toxic Avenger but without any real heart.

Terror Firmer

Year: 1999
Director: Lloyd Kaufman
Writer: Patrick Cassidy, Douglas Buck
Genre: Horror: Comedy

Here's yet another one of those movies I've been meaning to watch. Terror Firmer basically shows the world what it's like filming a Troma movie. As one might expect, it's extremely irreverent and comical.

I'm pleased that no matter the decade that Troma always seems able to pump out films of similar low quality. It does seem that this may be a bit on the higher end of low quality though, which is a bit odd. So the film is basically about the cast of a film crew working on a Toxie project. As it proceeds, people begin to die. What a shocking plot, right?

Anyway, most of the movie's fun comes from the cast who are all equally unusual. From the character who slowly transforms from man to woman throughout the feature to the handsome pickle canner, there's enough strangeness to go around. Although it's filled with pretty lowball humor I still had a ball with it. There are times when these kind of movies really hit the spot.

It's hard to think of what to say about this movie aside from the fact that I really enjoyed it. The effects are pretty good and the laughs are creative as well. Overall I'd love to recommend this movie to everyone but certainly some just won't like the humor. If you have liked other Troma comedy films though maybe this will be right for you.

Body Parts

Year: 1994
Director: Michael Paul Girard, Jan Marlyn Reesman
Writer: Teri Marlow, Dick Monda, Clement von Frackenstein
Genre: Horror: Possession

I came into Body Parts not expecting much at all. I knew it was something put out by Troma but beyond that I wasn't sure. Besides, there are Troma films out there that I don't like (Mothers Day). So, with a bit of worry I watched it and quickly fell in love. Or perhaps it's better to say I fell in "like" with it.

The movie is your standard tale of a psycho killing strippers. What isn't standard about it is the cast of characters. Everyone is ridiculous but in a mostly believable way. However, the longer the movie goes on the more times the believability is stretched thinner. By the end we've thrown it completely out the window and are experiencing something absurd. I for one liked the gradual climb from semi-realism to hilarity over the hour and a half.

Some instances of silliness are like when the cops are chasing a suspect. As they pass through a back yard with a dog the dog is never their concern. Instead, they tiptoe and weave over the many dog poop pieces strewn about the yard. It's dumb but made me chuckle all the same. Then there's one character whose persona is Marilyn Monroe. Probably unlike Marilyn though she is a complete and utter dunce. When it is her time to shine on camera she really does shine. I couldn't stop giggling at her ridiculous antics and lines like "If I'm ever reincarnated I wanna come back as Vanna White."

There's actually not much murdering in the film beyond the start. As such it's a bit of a stretch to call this a horror film since it's not very scary either... Still, I think it fits in especially since there is possession involved as well. Regardless of the genre this is one awkward film which deserves a watch.

Monster in the Closet

Year: 1986
Director: Bob Dahlin
Writer: Bob Dahlin
Genre: Horror: Monster

Upon starting this movie I thought it was going to be absolutely abysmal. The introduction to the film is supremely low budget and silly as all get out. However, if you can get past the first few minutes of the movie I think you'll find a decent monster flick.

The film focuses around a monster who inhabits closets. People who come near closets are typically the prey of the beast as closets are his "safe space". There isn't all together that much gore in the movie due to the fact that most killings go on off-screen (in the closet). Because of this it is the tamest Troma film I've seen. There's barely even any breasts on display either save for one appropriate shower scene. In the world of Troma this is probably the most kid friendly of their movies.

So what makes this move stand out? It realizes the idea of people being terrorized by closet monsters is hilarious so the film pokes a lot of fun at itself. The characters are also relatively well-defined and fit into their roles well. It must take quite a talent to shriek hysterically at a closet.

Overall the movie isn't especially fresh or anything, but if you have nothing better to do with your time it could be fun. This is one of those films that probably works best in a group viewing. Apparently there is a 2011 remake but I fail to see how that could in any way be a good thing. I expect it'd be like the Death Race remake which just killed all the soul of the original.

Beware! Children at Play

Year: 1989
Director: Mik Cribben
Writer: Fred Scharkey
Genre: Horror: Evil children

For being a Troma production this was pretty tame - and that's a good thing. Here, let me try and explain...

The film felt like a mid-80s thriller about kids who are disappearing in a small town. They don't turn up dead or anything - just go missing. The same can be said for some adults as well, although it's a rather slow progression. It's all very mysterious for a while until the film ramps up and you see what is going on with the children lost out there. Aside from the fact that it gets rather violent the film isn't anything "outrageous" even when kids are pegged as the aggressors. Obviously that's been done many times before.

While it is a little disturbing with the level of violence against children as well as depicting the kids being violent it never quite feels as crazy as a Troma film should. Only during the climax would I say the film finally veers a little bit out of bounds. Beyond that, it mostly looks like a film that wanted to shock and failed. It's kind of a shame really that the climax is so over the top because it colors your perspective over the rest of the film like it was a complete waste.

The Troma edge is distinctly lacking (in every part except the last 10 minutes) although that's not a bad thing. As a movie, I think it does rather well. It's the kind of movie people might go to a theater to see just like any other Hollywood blockbuster. It has 4 stars on IMDB but that doesn't make a lick of sense because this is just the kind of stuff casual horror fans would eat up.

Children at Play drags on a bit but overall it's a nice production, even if it feels dated. Just don't go into it expecting another Mother's Day or Toxie flick because you'll find that spirit distinctly lacking.

Hulu Plus

So I've been quiet on this blog lately. Well, for one my internet was sporadic earlier in the week but aside from that I've not been compelled to watch anything. It looks like that is going to change at least for this next week though! Why? Well, because Hulu Plus is having a free week of use for Xbox 360 users.

I'm sure the point of the free trial is to get people hooked. So far, the interface doesn't quite work. For example, I can add things to my queue but it seems to be random if they will actually show up there or not. Beyond that, I would be much more interested in Netflix than Hulu (as I prefer films to shows). However, Hulu does have some films. In fact, they have a fair amount of Troma productions as well as things in the Criterion Collection. Once I realized that I had to dive into the free trial because that is excellent! The other unfortunate thing is that there are commercial breaks in between the shows and movies, to the best of my knowledge. I'm not sure, but I remember hearing that they even exist in the paid (Plus) version so we'll see. I can deal with that as long as they're not as often or long as regular TV ads.

So, expect to see me blabbering on about at least a couple of the movies I watch thanks to Hulu Plus. There's a great deal of stuff in the Criterion Collection I just keep avoiding... Can't give an excuse not to watch 'em now though!