Blood Freak

Year: 1972
Director: Brad F. Grinter, Steve Hawkes
Writer: Brad F. Grinter, Steve Hawkes
Genre: Horror: Monster - Mutation

Man, I knew Blood Freak was going to be a weird movie when I saw the cover but I didn't know just how weird. Or how dull. The film focuses on a man who is friends with two sisters who apparently both want a piece of him. One is hyper-religious and the other is a no-rules kind of gal who's into recreational drugs. While at first he seems ready to stick with the first he becomes swayed by the other sister. This is important somehow.

After he smokes some weed he gets a job with an animal testing lab. He is simply to eat the genetically enhanced chicken meat and see if it affects him any. For some reason, this makes him grow a chicken head and become a bloodthirsty maniac. From then on lots of murdering ensues.

The story is mostly cobbled together out of nothing. The whole drug thing really doesn't seem to relate to the chicken bit and yet ends up being a very big part of the finale. Overall it seems like the movie wants to have an anti-drug message (quite a statement in the 70s) but I don't see how the chicken thing works into it. It seems like perhaps they used the guise of a crazy horror film to lure teens in only to bombard them with a message by the end. How sneaky of them!

The murder isn't even all that interesting anyway. For one, every female has the same canned scream when she dies (apparently the men also only have one scream variety). I've never been sure why people use canned screams but maybe it helps keep the actor/actress throats safe. Anyway, it's not very gory aside from a little blood and mostly is really goofy. I think that has most to do with the chicken-headed man but the victims also look and act silly.

I'd avoid this one unless you're in the mood for a shoddily-produced dull movie. Or if you're terrified of chickens, maybe.

The Descent: Part 2

Year: 2009
Director: Jon Harris
Writer: James McCarthy, J. Blakeson
Genre: Horror: Monster

Watching The Descent for the first time a few years ago it was all a big blur. I remember paying a lot of attention to the lively female characters right up until some incident with a zipline. After that, it all washes together and I have no real clue what happened. So, starting up Part 2 could have been a chore for my forgetful brain but thankfully it lets you know what happened prior. Basically, one of the girls got out of the cave and the rest are still down there.

The woman who made it out is then forced back down by an investigative team because they figure she'll be able to guide them. She can't really remember what happened though over her days in the cave so why they brought her is beyond me. I felt a lot like her as the movie began because neither of us quite knew what state the other girls were in, although it was presumed they were probably not all still living.

So the go down and then things get ugly. What else would you expect? I like the character progression of the main girl but also one of the cops who escorted her down there. It's nice to see strong female leads that aren't sexied up. Of course, near the end of the movie you could say this happens but it's not that bad.

Again, I sort of faded in and out of the movie. I'm not sure what causes this but maybe I just am not a fan of cave exploration. I didn't like that there was more screen-time for the cave monsters though. I don't think there was nearly as many clear and long shots of them in the first film. Okay movie but I don't think we needed a tidying up of the story.

Critters

Year: 1986
Director: Stephen Herek
Writer: Stephen Herek, Domonic Muir
Genre: Horror: Comedy, monster

Critters is a distinctly 80s movie. That's probably the first thing I noticed. I got that feeling as soon as I saw the father walking around in a shirt parodying Ghostbusters and a moment where a "critter" went face to face with an E.T. doll. There's nothing wrong with the 80s of course and in this case it didn't really hurt the movie.

The movie itself is a pretty enjoyable ride. If you've seen and enjoyed Attack of the Killer Tomatoes this is probably right up your alley. In that one, the implausible killer tomatoes made everything absolutely hilarious. Here, the "critters" appear as weird little furry balls. They roll around like fuzzy tumbleweeds and devour everything they can. It seems funny to be scared of furry balls with mouths but that's part of the reason the whole thing is so enjoyable.

Each and every character realizes these monsters are ridiculous, but they respond in terror all the same. Wouldn't you, if you were faced with a furball launching itself at your brother or sister and taking a chunk out of them? The aliens themselves talk to each other occasionally and it's always for an extra laugh. I can expect that in the sequels the critters become more of a character instead of focusing on those being attacked by them.

I liked the movie. It's not very important in the canon of cinema but you could find worse things to do with an hour and a half.

Monster in the Closet

Year: 1986
Director: Bob Dahlin
Writer: Bob Dahlin
Genre: Horror: Monster

Upon starting this movie I thought it was going to be absolutely abysmal. The introduction to the film is supremely low budget and silly as all get out. However, if you can get past the first few minutes of the movie I think you'll find a decent monster flick.

The film focuses around a monster who inhabits closets. People who come near closets are typically the prey of the beast as closets are his "safe space". There isn't all together that much gore in the movie due to the fact that most killings go on off-screen (in the closet). Because of this it is the tamest Troma film I've seen. There's barely even any breasts on display either save for one appropriate shower scene. In the world of Troma this is probably the most kid friendly of their movies.

So what makes this move stand out? It realizes the idea of people being terrorized by closet monsters is hilarious so the film pokes a lot of fun at itself. The characters are also relatively well-defined and fit into their roles well. It must take quite a talent to shriek hysterically at a closet.

Overall the movie isn't especially fresh or anything, but if you have nothing better to do with your time it could be fun. This is one of those films that probably works best in a group viewing. Apparently there is a 2011 remake but I fail to see how that could in any way be a good thing. I expect it'd be like the Death Race remake which just killed all the soul of the original.

Pumpkinhead

Year: 1988
Director: Stan Winston
Writer: Mark Patrick Carducci
Genre: Horror: Monster

Despite the supremely cheesy name, this movie has a strange depth and life to it. I almost expected a goofy villain with a pumpkin for a head or something of the sort. When that turned out to not be the case I was surprised. Apparently, the film is based off a poem and so that's where the creature got the awkward name.

So Pumpkinhead has rural townsfolk living with a terrifying tale. For them, if a man is wronged then he can summon Pumpkinhead to take revenge (by killing whoever of course). It's been years since the last time Pumpkinhead came around but the townsfolk still have that knowledge firmly in their minds.

Cue a group of city kids coming to spend some time in a cabin there. They meet up with a man and his child at the gas station and try to put on their friendly faces. Unfortunately, an unforeseen accident occurs and they inadvertently kill his child. Feeling deeply wronged by the cityfolk, he goes on to exact revenge the only way he knows how - by calling upon Pumpkinhead. Oh no!

The characters are all pretty lively even if some of them die off really fast. It's nice to see that an attempt was made to give them character. I like the story and had no idea really how it would turn out until nearer to the end. It's still mostly predictable but worth watching due to the character interactions. It's also shot very nicely which sometimes is lacking in random horror films. It feels a lot like a fairy tale but the old kinds. Grim, violent tales not the happy Disneyesque things we have now. If you're into that sort of thing this is for you.