The Baby

Year: 1973
Director: Ted Post
Writer: Abe Polsky
Genre: Horror: Thriller

Here's one of those movies you have to see to believe. The Baby is so aptly named as the film focuses around a baby, simply named "Baby". This isn't your ordinary baby though as our heroine comes to find but a full-grown man instead. Despite looking very mature physically he has about the same mental, verbal, and otherwise capacities of a baby. He is cared for by his mother and sisters an then finally the lead who is a public service worker of some sort. For some reason the mother character reminded me of Joan Crawford and I liked this because I like Joan Crawford. I'm probably the only one to make such a random connection though.

This isn't typical horror with any sort of monsters or demons. It's mostly a thriller attempting to be Hitchcock-esque with the plot and where it leads. Beyond that though it's mostly an odd piece of cinema with a very abrupt twist in the final minutes. I suppose you could gather what the ending would be from the multiple hints dropped throughout, but it seems mostly a cop out to be "weird" or "creepy".

Beyond that though it's a decent film. It kept me hooked despite being very 70s (which often turns me off for some reason). What I find most striking is that the movie Pink Flamingos also featured a grown "baby" character and came out a year before this. However, for that character nothing much was ever explained. It just seemed an interesting point to me when considering how close the films are in years of release.

I wouldn't really suggest this film unless you're into 70's thrillers. Otherwise, you won't be missing much by skipping right over.

Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Year: 2008
Director: James Nguyen
Writer: James Nguyen
Genre: Horror: Animal attack

What the hell is this movie?

Birdemic: Shock and Terror is the tale of two people who meet, go on a date, go to a motel together, and then wake up to birds attacking. It's basically The Birds except without any level of class and effects that are so much worse. I can't even believe this is available on Netflix.

It basically looks like a really terrible student movie. Except, unlike most student movies, it's a full length film! The characters cannot act, the video quality is bad, the effects are horrendous, the music is goofy, and to top it all off the story could have been cobbled together by an elementary school student.

The birds make the same horrendous cawing sounds over and over and over. Their animation is basically one loop of wings flapping. The birds are very obviously CGI and beginner CGI at that. The script is painfully awkward and only the children characters deliver their lines with any ounce of authenticity. Everything about this movie is terrible.

Because it's so terrible it ends up being rather funny. It's still pretty annoying though with the constant horrible cawing sound effects and stupid characters. Still, if you need a movie to watch with a big group of friends (who enjoy bad movies) it is a nice choice.

Beware! Children at Play

Year: 1989
Director: Mik Cribben
Writer: Fred Scharkey
Genre: Horror: Evil children

For being a Troma production this was pretty tame - and that's a good thing. Here, let me try and explain...

The film felt like a mid-80s thriller about kids who are disappearing in a small town. They don't turn up dead or anything - just go missing. The same can be said for some adults as well, although it's a rather slow progression. It's all very mysterious for a while until the film ramps up and you see what is going on with the children lost out there. Aside from the fact that it gets rather violent the film isn't anything "outrageous" even when kids are pegged as the aggressors. Obviously that's been done many times before.

While it is a little disturbing with the level of violence against children as well as depicting the kids being violent it never quite feels as crazy as a Troma film should. Only during the climax would I say the film finally veers a little bit out of bounds. Beyond that, it mostly looks like a film that wanted to shock and failed. It's kind of a shame really that the climax is so over the top because it colors your perspective over the rest of the film like it was a complete waste.

The Troma edge is distinctly lacking (in every part except the last 10 minutes) although that's not a bad thing. As a movie, I think it does rather well. It's the kind of movie people might go to a theater to see just like any other Hollywood blockbuster. It has 4 stars on IMDB but that doesn't make a lick of sense because this is just the kind of stuff casual horror fans would eat up.

Children at Play drags on a bit but overall it's a nice production, even if it feels dated. Just don't go into it expecting another Mother's Day or Toxie flick because you'll find that spirit distinctly lacking.