Game Box 1.0

Year: 2004
Director: David Hillenbrand, Scott Hillenbrand
Writer: Worm Miller, Patrick Casey
Genre: Sci-fi

Although video games are definitely big business there haven't been many movies based around them. There are a few like Gamer and the like, but not really all that much considering. In fact, it feels like there are more movies based around retro arcades than anything attempting to be modern. Anyway, here's this sci-fi or horror movie about a new video game machine - Game Box 1.0.

So what's special about this latest gizmo? Unlike every console before it, it interfaces directly with your head. By using the included attachment that fits onto the player's head, the machine can pull out pertinent thoughts and memories to use in games. For example, you use your thoughts to plug in someone to be the game's villain.

In theory it's pretty cool but in action Game Box 1.0 is painfully bad. The effects are shameful and would make anyone who actually plays modern games laugh. The story is completely dumb and the characters are to. The only redeeming value of the film is how juvenile the story is. This is a good thing because it makes it a lot of fun to watch with friends and joke about it being awful.

The Crush

Year: 1993
Director: Alan Shapiro
Writer: Alan Shapiro
Genre: Drama

I don't know why I continue to subject myself to drama films. They often make me get that knot in my stomach but I'm stuck watching them anyway. So, The Crush is basically a sort of modernized Lolita. It's not exactly though since it's a whole new story going on but the ties are there. Obviously, a young girl attempts to seduce the lead character - that's a given.

Unlike Lolita though (from what little I remember) it feels a whole lot more sinister. The girl in question is 14, although much smarter than her peers, and is able to manipulate everyone around her. In a way, it felt like Poison Ivy with how secretly diabolical she is.

Beyond that though I didn't honestly care much for the movie. It's melodramatic and not so bad as a Lifetime movie but close enough. I never really felt engaged with the lead and those around him weren't very important either. Who cares if they die? So yeah, it's an acceptable way to spend your time but I'd look elsewhere. Or, if you really need some sort of hebephilic film might as well go with Lolita.

New Year's Evil

Year: 1980
Director: Emmett Alston
Writer: Leonard Neubauer
Genre: Horror: Holiday

Normally I'm a big fan of holiday-related horror flicks but in this case it just didn't work out. New Year's Evil is a passable film which focuses on a rockin' party. A band is busy performing in a hotel when a call comes in from someone claiming that he will start killing people soon. Apparently, when it reaches midnight in each timezone he will kill someone. It's an interesting enough idea, I suppose.

As it turns out though you never end up caring much for any of the characters. They're mostly one-dimensional and while they act adequately, there's little to keep you involved in watching. There's nothing notable about the movie aside from perhaps being one of the very few New Year's-themed horror films.

There's really nothing else I can say about the movie. It might not have been as much of a total bore as other films I've sat through, but it ranks right up there. However, it could be just me not being able to jive with the film. Give it a watch yourself sometime and maybe you'll get more out of it.

Terror Train

Year: 1980
Director: Roger Spottiswoode
Writer: T.Y. Drake
Genre: Horror: Slasher

Jamie Lee Curtis was the best when she was just starting out. Between this, Halloween, and Prom Night there is probably no role that comes closer to perfection. Obviously my favorite role for her was in Halloween but this one is a close second.

In Terror Train the story is that a few years ago this fraternity decided to pull a stupid joke on one of the newbies. They led him to believe that a girl was interested in him, but instead scared him senseless with a cadaver. After that, the story fast forwards to today where the college kids are all about ready to graduate. They're celebrating their almost independence by having a party on a train as it drives on and on. Unfortunately it seems that the poor boy they teased back then has come back for revenge.

The movie is great because it takes place in an unusual location and uses that to its advantage. The enclosed cars are perfect and make you wonder how long it will be until bodies will be discovered. It's great fun and the characters are rather realistic, even if that means you'll end up hating some of them.

Really, if you've never seen Terror Train it's definitely worth watching. It's not a movie I've ever really heard mentioned before and that seems like a huge shame. I guess it got passed over alongside all other slashers coming out at the same time. The name isn't the most exciting thing out there so it probably didn't help attract viewers. Although I don't have much to say I'm absolutely smitten with the feature so please check it out.

Fright Night Part 2

Year: 1988
Director: Tommy Lee Wallace
Writer: Tom Holland, Tim Metcalfe
Genre: Horror: Comedy, Vampire

Fright Night is an excellent movie. It may be supremely 80s but it's a ton of fun and a great take on vampires that I'd love to see again these days. Fright Night Part 2 attempts to continue the story of the first but mostly just falls apart.

In Part 2 we hear Charley Brewster recounting the events of the first film (in case you forgot?). After he finishes his tale we see that he's in an office and that his therapist has helped convince him none of that stuff ever occurred. There's no such thing as vampires!

Soon after we see that Charley also has a new flame. Why? Wasn't the huge climax of the first film not only defeating the vampires that moved in next door, but also saving his girlfriend from vampirism? What was the point of that if he was just going to toss her aside for some new girl? After I managed to get over that though a new thought crossed my mind. Did they rush to make this movie right after the first one? I asked this question because it feels like a big pile of nonsensical parts stuck into one somewhat cohesive whole.

There are multiple parts of the film where scenes change with no real explanation between them as to what occurred. There is a part where you see some characters in one scene, and then the next they are in jail. What, how did that even happen? There are a few points like that and it makes it feel like the director was in a hurry to pump this out after the success of the original. This isn't the case though as Part 2 was made a few years after the original, not immediately. You've got to wonder what was going on in production where they had to cut out scenes that explained what on earth was going on. Not only that, but this movie is supremely 80s. This is a plus or minus depending on who you are - to me it was a plus.

This is not to say the movie wasn't enjoyable. It still was pretty fun and I liked the new vampire crew a lot. My favorite in particular was Regina. The movie quickly escalates to the climactic showdown. While it's not as drawn out or cool as the first film it still is alright. Check it out if you got a kick out of the original Fright Night.

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell

Year: 1990
Director: Brett Piper
Writer: Brett Piper
Genre: Fantasy

If there's ever a movie people would gravitate toward due to the title this is it. A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell sets itself up to be quite a ride with a name like that. Unfortunately, beyond the first few minutes, almost nothing to do with "nympoids" or dinosaurs occurs.

The movie is hugely low budget and with a pretty dull story. Honestly, I can't even remember what really happened aside from the girl barbarian meeting the boy barbarian and then for some reason they try to destroy this evil guy. Yep, that's about as deep as it goes.

Troma certainly isn't a big budget studio but it seems like even LESS money was somehow spent on producing this. While many Troma films feature the famous car chase/flip/explosion scene, this film takes scenes from a handful of the Troma library for no good reason. Thankfully that's only the case for the introduction but I was worried the entire movie might be that way. If I'd let my fear get the best of me then I probably would have just stopped watching before 10 minutes were done.

As it stands this movie is pretty dull. The name is great but everything else is supremely lackluster. Skip it.

The Last Circus

Year: 2010
Director: Álex de la Iglesia
Writer: Álex de la Iglesia
Genre: Drama, Comedy

I came into this movie pretty cold. It was simply a suggestion and I only looked at the stars it scored before jumping in. The Last Circus is foreign film where a boy grows up quickly after his father is killed right before his eyes. He inherits the role of a clown just like his father before him and joins the circus. There he meets a girl and, predictably, starts to feel something for her.

From then on, things manage to take the worst turns possible and the movie ends up being one filled with bullets, bloodshed, and disfigurement. It's alright. I have a feeling this movie will or has already been on favorite film lists. It definitely has the stuff to be something special, but or me it was just filler.

I liked the story progression well enough but it just came out too dramatic for my tastes. What can you expect from a drama film but drama? It's an odd criticism coming from me too though since I loved the whacked out Fatal Attraction. That certainly never let up on the intense drama... Well, somehow The Last Circus didn't click with me.

Still, the movie is a neat little experience and will probably please some. Check it out if you're interested in some clown-related craziness.