Dracula 2000

Year: 2000
Director: Patrick Lussier
Writer: Joel Soisson, Patrick Lussier
Genre: Horror: Vampire

Dracula 2000 is right up there in cinematic worth aside Godzilla 2000. Seriously. The "2000" of the film is that it's a modern take on the whole Dracula tale. There's not a thing wrong with that in theory and it actually starts out kind of cool. We begin the movie in some crazy bank vault with a man who appears to be the grandson of Van Helsing or something of that sort. A troop of highly trained men crack into Van Helsing's safe one night (despite having no clue what's inside it). Apparently, anything worth that much security must be worth zillions of dollars. So they get in there and extract a coffin because they're certainly not going to leave empty-handed. I'm sure you can assume what the coffin contains.

From then on things descend quickly into silliness. Really, the best thing about the film is that we have a hunky Gerard Butler playing Dracula. Beyond that though the film is nearly pure teenage Hollywood drivel. That's not to say there are not things to like about it. For one, it is kind of cool how the characters were modernized. However, the film also seems to be plagued by the worst product placement ever. It seems that stuff was really vile in the late 90s/early 2000s. Virgin Records is pimped so damn much in the movie for no good reason you'd almost think this was a commercial.  Honestly, when Dracula gapes in astonishment at the store for 30 seconds you tend to notice.

If you're just looking for a very simplistic and flashy vampire romp it's not so bad. I doubt the movie was ever really intended to be taken seriously (like say, Bram Stoker's Dracula [1992]). Especially with a name like Dracula 2000 it seems targeted squarely at the kind of audience who goes gaga over graphical splendor and sirens. So, overall the movie wasn't for me.

My Bloody Valentine

Year: 2009
Director: Patrick Lussier
Writer: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith
Genre: Horror: Slasher

My Bloody Valentine (3D) is a remake I actually contemplated going to see when it was out. To me, it seemed like the perfect way to cap off a Valentine's Day date. However, as fate would have it I never went to see it then. Watching the film today lets me know that was probably the best twist of fate ever.

This movie is entirely too dull. The premise presented is neat enough... A miner killed his partners in a mine shaft, then it collapsed, leaving him in a coma for years after. He came to some years later and started killing once again before being shot down during his spree. More years pass and then it seems our miner killer is back again!

It's close enough in soul to the original except that it doesn't feel nearly as fun. It's all dull and you never find yourself caring for anyone. The movie almost feels like a horrible train wreck at points. There is a part where a woman is completely naked and running from the murderer. Yes, 100% nude. This takes the "girl in skimpy outfit running from maniac" to the extreme and I can't say I liked it one bit.

None of the lead males are especially compelling either. I mean, are we supposed to feel for the young cop on the force who had some of his friends die to the maniac? I could initially understand that but nearly a minute after he is introduce we find out he's a huge cheater. I don't know about you, but knowing someone is cheating rather uncaringly on their partner isn't going to bond me with them. As for the other guy, well, he just feels like a slab of concrete. He's got no real personality that shines through. Oh, there's a "twist" ending too. I figured it out early on and I'm sure anyone else watching will catch it too.

Maybe I sound harsh but I'm mad that I wasted an hour and 40 minutes on this thing. If you like or want to watch it though, then more power to ya.